YTuesday, June 28, 2005
today was work work work.. woh.. haha.. had sch til 11 [whole class skipped lecture for projs. haha..].. stayed back til 12 plus for proj... presentation's tml... freaky.. den.. rushed home to bathe and collect my laptop and rushed out of home to meet wen to study together.. worked til rosa came... den we left and headed home. so.. aft dinner.. was more work for me... i feel so hardworking.. hahaha... and im under a lot of stress.. ok.. so.. im nt under as much stress as baby. he has more projs den me. poor thing..
term test is less den a wk away and u knw wat? im nt done wif studying for all subjects yet. oh no!!! i havent even started studying for my 1st paper... programming. argh. toking abt term test.. i prbly whudden gt to see baby during tt week. so sad... am hoping get to meet him tml, and go home together. miss him. [ok.. so i juz saw him yest.. but i still miss him ok!] hee..
gonna pay attention to CSI nw.
spoken.
in sch nw... gosh.. some girl's playing techno songs on her laptop nw... probably gonna end up having a headach ltr.. bumped in baby juz nw... so.. he aint sure if he's meeting me ltr... *sulks*
so.. it came today. of all days... its my longest day in sch today. damn it!!!! ooh.. blasting of "heart of glass" by skye sweetnam [re-make of blondie's song heart of glass] sure helps. dun worry.. im nt creating noise pollution in the lab nw.. its on headphones. heh. im considerate. *BIG smile*
it really sux nt having my best fren ard me... as in.. in the same sch n class as me. blah blah... was feeling pretty down today... couldnt find any1 to tok to. so i msged her.. but it sure didnt help much... it whud be nice if she was here in person... wanted to cry... "war" is goin on at home and other stuffs are definately driving me nuts. baby girl.. [im sure u knw wat im toking bout.] im serious when i say i dun fit into my class.. i dun have anybody lyk my cliques in class. DEFINATELY. tried mixing ard wif everybody already.. im a misfit. in class of cos. maybe even in sch... who knws. definately dun fit in. dun wish to fit in too.. i juz want some new frenz tt i can juz hang ard wif lyk cliques-keys in sch!!!!! i mean. sec sch..
so im still sick. in fact... it gt worst. im coughing more... gosh. i stayed away fr mac for 2 weeks already.. it aint helping still... oh no!!! i miss eating my mcwings... *dreams: yum yum..*
today's presentation day.. im nervous. i wonder hw much i'll score.. i MUZ do well.. i dun care. its a MUZ!
ok.. gotta go for class soon. blog ltr.
spoken.
YSaturday, June 25, 2005
term test is only abt a week away.. gotta start studying.. i dunno whr am i gonna gt the energy to do more projs, homework n study for tests. i feel so dead already.. dun believe me? ask hecty, wen n rosa.. they could see my panda eyes nw.. had a long long sleep last nite.. but im still so tired...
gotta go out ltr.. need to gt my proj printed. feeling lazy.. lazy to load new pics into my spaces. haha..
went out wif wen n rosa for dinner yest. reached home almost 9.. had lotsa fun yest... laughed til my stomach hurts... haha.. okok.. dad's chasing me to have my lunch nw. ciaoz
spoken.
i cant gt to slp.. im flying!! on cloud 9.. haha... my gosh.. baby's so sweet... almost made me cry.. haha..
yes.. sweety.. we will run away together... run as far as we can.. away from everybody.. juz u and me.. hee...
spoken.
YFriday, June 24, 2005
i hate sch's printer... its driving me NUTS!!!! currently at lvl 2's lab.. suppose to be doing proj.. but maira isnt here yet.. yes.. everybody is waiting for her.. haha.. lil princessa... haha..
i doubt i'll bump into baby today.. he seems cold towards me.. sob sob... i wonder why...
gonna meet wen n rosa for dinner ltr.. mommy wun be home early.. so is dad. dad's in KL.. coming back today... mom's goin for some dinner crap. love it though i hate loneliness... wanted to meet baby tonite.. but he's gt a date wif french bear already. sad.
she wants to go home
but nobody's home
tts whr she lies
broken inside
spoken.
YThursday, June 23, 2005
im sick. AGAIN. fuck. i hate falling sick. im coughing.. weezing.. almost dying. argh... and obviously... baby banned me from mcdonalds for 3 weeks. my gosh.. its so long... almost died nt having mc for 2 weeks the last round he banned me. i wonder hw am i gonna gt thru these 3 weeks. den again.. he's doing this cos he cares. sweet. I WILL NOT HAVE MC FOR 3 WEEKS. YES I WILL ABSTAIN FROM IT. heee... i dun wanna cough. sch hol is coming!!! haha...
i need to tan.. im looking pale again.. all white.. erm.. i mean fair..
watching 1st moms nw.. this girl's hubby n her mom-in-law organised a baby shower for her.. so sweet!!!! and it was suppose to be a surprise. i love surprises.. hw nice.. some1.. can surprise me... hee.. *hint*
spoken.
YWednesday, June 22, 2005
collected my new phone today. it rocks. haha.. baby acc me to aunt's place to collect it. den.. we gt lost halfway. but i have to say it was fun.. anything is fun wif him ard. hee.. the route back to interchange was totally diff fr the way to aunt's place. thankfully.. we ended up at somewhr tt we were familar wif. sengkang. haha.. reaching the bus stop to take another bus.. baby started to look moody.. wanted to go on toking but i didnt dare to.. i was seriously worried tt he was in a foul mood. was so tired during the bus ride home. fell asleep when we were almost reaching. haha.. wat a time.
spoken.
YTuesday, June 21, 2005
im so tired... physically.. im so forgetful... i brought nthing relevant to sch today... brought all the wrong things. cept for baby's bk. haha.. i need more fish. haa.
den hanged wif ying, twang n rosa.
-de end
spoken.
YMonday, June 20, 2005
im nt as strong as u think i am
in fact.. im weak
tear my heart open
i saw myself shot
my weakness is, that i care too much
my scars reminds me that the past is real
i tear my heart open
juz to feel..
i guess.. my relationship wif dad.. can nv heal. -bummer
spoken.
YSunday, June 19, 2005
wen n i are suppose to be packing our sch bags for sch tml.. but guess wat.. we ended up chatting with each other. haha.. hw cute. anywaz... i whud lyk to say... IM STARTING TO LYK SCH!!! yes! im said im starting to lyk sch... pinch urself if u dun believe tt juz said tt.. haa. dunno why.. i guess sch gives me something to do.. and having baby ard.. makes me look fwd to sch even more.. it beats staying at home. got nthing to do, cant have baby ard me.. tt sux. haha.. so.. sch is better!!!!! haha..
when over to granny's place today.. lil boy's dad is still the same. as lazy as ever. lil boy.. hmm.. isnt such a pain in de ass today... i didnt gt angry at him this time at least. heh. its an achievement ok..
my ears are so itchy!!! my earhole.. hmm.. can say... its infected! oh no!! nw even baby has banned me fr gtting another earhole.. oh wellz. its a gd thing too.. save money. haha..
my wireless is finally working.. but guess wat.. when its finally working.. no wireless network ard my area. crap.
i cant wait for my new hp to come.. but i still want the white ver. suddenly.. im nt so keen in getting the black ver. but i guess.. its ok.. at least ive gt a phone to use! hee...
spoken.
YFriday, June 17, 2005
screwed. tts my life. screwed. dad juz lost his temper at me for wat? my wireless. fuck it. it wun work n it aint my fault. yes i knw u wanna help me do it.. but i've gt a test on mon. so stop bugging me! i need my fucking laptop! i need to do my fucking piece of work! why do u have to blame to having work to do?! go ask my tutors why they have to give me tests and work to do at this time when u wanna set my fucking wireless up! dun yell at me for it! u think i wanna have work to do, sit for test?! fuck no! so stop bugging me!!!!!!!!!!
i thot i had a great week til all the test n everything starts falling in. mom and dad losing temper at me for no fucking reason.. i wanna move out. move to somewhr i can work peacefully... i need inspirations for my proj. i need peace to study for my tests and do my work. i dun need u screaming at me. ive juz lost the mood to study thx to u guys. im becoming poorer each day becos of dad. fine wif tt. but im nt as happy as i used to be. thx to dad to. mom n dad will bicker becos of money. den mom will take it out on me. so will dad. fuck! im nt ur fucking punching bag! im starting to hate my life. i guess de only time im happy is when im wif my frenz and wif baby.
thx baby.. for making my week better and easier to gt thru.. love. maybe i shud have stayed out late todday. nt come home so early to face such shit. im innocent. its really thru. children pay for their parents' mistakes. 1 example here. y even have me? y even let me exist when i could juz die in ur stomach?
-i need u.
spoken.
YWednesday, June 15, 2005
mom's losing her temper at me for nothing again. i really hates it when she's having menopause. which is lyk... nw?? mths back?? she's still the same! my gosh. hw long is this gonna take... i cant go on being her punching bag anymore!! im on the verge of screaming at her soon..
gt to meet baby today.. nice trip back home. the best bus ride ive ever had. double decker. wif baby. sitting rite at the back. so its juz the 2 of us. sweet! hee.. but thr was this guy in front of us... my gosh.. he's so funny. the way he slps is so funny. he doesnt place his head properly. so... if the bus jerks or turn in any way, his head "flys" wif the bus. move wif the flow. haha... den he'll end up banging his head against the window or the handle of the chair. hard. haha... my gosh. i feel so mean laughing at him. but its so funny!!!!
im so screwed.. 2 projs.. deadlines in 2wks.. ahh!!! help!!! nt even 1 completed proj yet.. so screwed. *buries myself*
spoken.
YSaturday, June 11, 2005
gt back fr lil india for awhile already. went thr to do my stinky proj. we ended shopping for bangles. haha.. photo taking didnt turn out the way i wanted it to. sad. im still waitin for the memory card reader. dad is taking a million yrs to pass it to me. helo??!!! i need it lyk NOW!!! goodness.
im so sick n tired of my hair colour.. wanna re-dye my hair.. wat colour shud i try out nw?? some1 asked me to dye it to jet black. dun mind.. but if u dun mind paying for my highlights. heh. weezer is on radio nw. BEVERLEY HILLS! TTS WHR I WANNA BE. LIVING IN BEVERLEY HILLS! haha..
gonna miss baby loads. he's [act its his mom's] hi card has no money. cant sms me.. den he whudden be at home to use the phone.. gt to tok to him for a short short while yest. ONLY.
spoken.
YFriday, June 10, 2005
bloggin fr sch again.. having programming lesson [gotta animation] nw.. my gosh.. dying of boredom soon [its suppose to be fun.. BUT!!!] i seriously dun understand wat she's trying to teach. oh gosh. thrs no msn for me to use. nthing to surf online too.. ahh!!!!! i'll go nuts. seriously. i cant make the dragon fly properly. argh.... hw am i to excel n claim my reward fr mommy. damn it.... gonna have to attend lab for database thingy ltr.. even worst. its gonna put me to sleep for sure...
lesson ends at 6 for me today... *sobs* gotta sell my phone aft tt.. gonna be stuck using dad's old phone til my new phone arrives... i miss my phone already.
blog ltr. i have no idea wat to say...
spoken.
YThursday, June 09, 2005
since yest things seems to be better... it felt lyk as if the man up thr could here me den convey the msg to baby. haha.. serious!!! at the time when thots of baby ran thru my mind lyk hw i'd be "toking" to the man up thr.. a msg fr baby came. asking me if i wanna meet him. woh... hee...
spoken.
YMonday, June 06, 2005
things isnt better yet. whywhywhywhywhywhywhy.. hw did things even turn out this way. whywhywhywhywhywhy... i want my baby come back to me. FULLY. i add. 100% mine again. *sigh*
my soul's dead
my heart beats n bleed for you
you n only you
spoken.
things are definately nt going my way. everything is screwed up. im so fucking depressed. i admit tt. so wat if i try to smile. its no use. all these madness is driving me nuts. so maybe i shud juz do wat prissy alwaz say.. lie to urself. live in denial. nw it seems lyk a gd idea for me.
so much said.. i wonder if any1 reads it. lyk any1 reads my blog anymore. he forgt my blog add, wen is hardly at hm.. who else? no1. i dont think any1 else reads my thots anymore. no1 will hear me screaming for help. screaming out loud "save me".. turning to the man up thr is lyk de only way left. shall nt sulk. shall nt cry. its time to put on a show tt im happy nw. blog ltr. gotta go to sch nw.
spoken.
YSunday, June 05, 2005
today isnt a better day. i guess im still pretty upset.
this place is so empty
my thots are so tempting
i dont knw it gt so bad
sometimes its so crazy that nthing can save me
but its de only thing that i have [you]
spoken.
YSaturday, June 04, 2005
sometimes it kills to ask too many qus. sometimes it does help to ask many qus. confusing huh? u see.. it hurts to find out the truth. but if u dun ask, u'll nv find truth. yes i knw this is the 2nd time im bloggin for today. i juz felt lyk it. im bursting wif emotions. i wanna study but ive lost the mood to. i wanna eat but ive lost my appetite to. i need some1 to tok to but thr isnt 1 ard. i wanna pretend some things juz didnt happen, but i cant. i wanna run, but i dunno whr am i gonna run to. i want things to be back to normal, but i knw i dun have the ability to do tt. i knw im still very much in love wif u, but u said its fading away. i wanna keep myself busy, but i dunno wat to do. i wanna cry out loud but i cant. i wanna scream the 3 lil words out. will it even help?
it juz feels lyk i gotta face this world alone. im afraid. very frightened. im vulnerable.
spoken.
so he was being honest wif me abt some things.. im totally upset, all teary eyed n almost broken rite nw... i feel lyk running away fr reality... i dunno hw am i gonna handle getting hurt once more. why does this alwaz happen to me? once ive fallen deeply for some1 somehw something juz has to happen and takes him away fr me. or is gonna take him away fr me.. this sux. shit. i started to cry. gotta stop. mom's at home.
i wanna runaway
far away fr here
i dont knw hw much more can i take
before i start to slip away
somebody come rescue me plz..
-dun want this fairytale to end. *bleeds*
spoken.
YThursday, June 02, 2005
sch was ok today. im loving tue, wed and thurs. tts for sure. tue: 12pm im outta sch.. no breaks in btwn. cool.. haha.. wed: i gt to meet baby and we'll go home together hee.. thurs: 12pm im outta sch. have an hr break, 2 fave lessons of my and tts abt it.
watched madagscar.. funny n lame show. but its cute! hee.. cartoons.. my fave.. yea.. im a kid. haa. met shawniee at town for a short short while.. den im off to do more shopping. implusive buying... bought a skirt fr fox woman when i shudden have. could use the money to buy levis instead. so many nice bottoms!! shit. i dun have enough money to pay for my e680.. its coming = to making payment soon... shit. fuck!!! i need my pay damn it!
something is seriously wrong wif me.. i have nv worn so many skirts in a wk... this is the 1st.. even when im working.. i dun even wear as much skirt as i did this wk. oh no!!!!!! somebody muz have influenced me... heck. gd for baby anywaz. haa..
alice [an animation programme] is taking so long to dwnload.. im falling asleep infornt of my comp soon.. dark circles are getting darker... i muz invest in a gd bottle of whitener soon or im soooooo gonna look lyk a panda bear.. im breaking out soon... been popping alot..
i need to do my animation damn it!!! load!!!!!!! fuck alice.
-yes. im vulgar. so?
spoken.
YWednesday, June 01, 2005
im feeling lazy. lazy lazy lazy lazy... feeling really really lazy lazy lazy lazy.. feel lyk taking photos.. loads and loads of photos... photos photos photos.. cheese cheese cheese say cheese! haha... im losing my mind. crazy crazy crazy. boredom kills brain cells...
-feel gd inc.
spoken.
i have yet to bump into him today.. but he's online. hi hon!! hee... i doubt he's reading this.. haha.. anywaz. i hate breaks!!! its boring!!!!!!!! thank goodness thrs free nice old rnb songs playing rite nw.. obviously.. if thrs rock songs.. it whud be much! better. haa.
so.. i really miss sec sch... the fun we have and stuffs... bitch together.. hang together... rebel almost together [math and palani's lesson].. haha.. lately.. thrs nthing much for us to tok abt. i think most of us has drifted fr each other quite abit. its sad.. oh wells... things change...
-scroll-
crap. im SOOOOO BORED!!! whr's twang?? working.. argh.. eh!!! rmb tml madagscar!!! roar! haha... the penguins are so cute... haha.. i need more clothes = need more $$ = need to save/work.. broke! dun rob me. no $! it whud be waste of time only.. haha.. crap. crap. crap. crap.. ive gt nthing to do nw... time is passing so slowly... [romeo, romeo] whr art thou... haha.. i want to see him!! 2 1/2 hrs more.. *counts dwn*
spoken.